Posts from the ‘Denver’ Category

Tip #25 from 30 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself:

Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. - It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.

I’m glad someone is saying this. Because I’ve never been so broken in my life.

Let me explain. Mentally and emotionally, I’ve never been so inspired, centered, and ready to take on this next chapter with everything I’ve got. In the past three weeks since moving to Denver, things have been happening, and quickly. Connections are being made, friendships are forming. I’ve got my first weekly yoga class at a new studio and a very humbling volunteer position teaching yoga at a juvenile rehab center. And new business opportunities abound! All this in the busiest month of the year. I just know that January will bring even greater things my way. But this post isn’t about why moving to Denver was an awesome decision. It’s about how – and why – I went from being the most physically active person I know to being stuck in an AirCast boot with an ice pack on my back and a host of medicines keeping me at bay.

Hello Denver! View from Red Rocks Amphitheater

After returning from Asia this summer, I started noticing my skin breaking out more than normal. At first, I attributed it to being in a new environment, coming off birth control, eating sugar, whatever else I could think of. But as I settled into a super-holistic, active lifestyle living in the woods of Northern Michigan, I knew something deeper was up. My skin – which had always been flawless, so much so that strangers would comment on it daily – went from perfect to rock bottom-bad in a matter of two months. Nothing I tried would help, and believe me, I tried it all. Holistic, ayurvedic, meditation, topicals, etc. Towards the middle of the summer, I began jetting around the country, boarding a plane at least ten times in the following two months. By this point, I was silently (and sometimes not-so-silently) freaking out. I finally caved in and went Western – making an appointment with a dermatologist. Long story short, their recommended treatments only further exacerbated the problems. Fast-forward, I returned to my parent’s home for the first time in ten years, broken-hearted (that’s another story), exhausted and at a complete loss in so many ways.

I recovered from everything else pretty quickly, but the skin issues persisted. So after weeks of tears, Googling and more tears, I finally agreed to go on the dreaded Accutane, as recommended by a dermatologist in St. Louis whom my family highly respects. I never thought in a million years that I would be going through this. Me – the girl who hates to take Tylenol – agreeing to go on this incredibly intense, horror-story-ridden medication for 4 months. It was a shocker, indeed. But so was the loss of confidence and constant worry that comes from severe acne. (Note: Two months into treatment, I couldn’t be happier with the decision.)

To help get through those rough first couple of weeks home, I dove headfirst into my yoga practice. Every day was an intense asana practice, balanced out with a couple of yin classes each week. One day, I noticed a pain in the right side of my lower back. It persisted over the new few days, then I flew out to NYC for the weekend, and headed up to Kripalu for two weeks of yoga trainings. I’d never felt back pain, and it scared the crap out of me. I wondered what caused it in the first place. I wondered what exactly was going on anatomically. I started to worry about this turning into a chronic issue. Back pain at the age of 28?? It just didn’t seem fair. The pain was kept at bay my first week at Kripalu, but by the second week came back with full force, causing painful spasms that were only controlled by Positional Release Therapy.

I returned to St. Louis with a list of suggestions to help my back but no definitive answer. My visit to a physical therapist there wasn’t much help either. I was told to basically take it easy. And honestly, after all the asana, all the running around the world, all the franticness…I happily accepted the prescription for rest.

Bird, trees, blue sky...like falling asleep under the stars.

A couple of weeks later, I headed to Denver to find an apartment. On my last day there, I decided my back felt good enough to try out a restorative yoga class and headed out the door in my Tom’s shoes, down the steps of my friend’s apartment, and tripped on my right foot. Thanks to the complete lack of support of the shoes, my foot folded under itself. It hurt like hell, but I was determined to go to this class, so I hobbled there and iced the foot as I lay there on the mat. I iced, elevated, and made it to the airport that night, took a flight with my foot elevated on the 1st row wall, and hoped for the best.

The next day’s x-ray showed no broken bones, so I treated it like a bad sprain. I rested for 4 days straight. After earlier weeks of resting the back, I was getting a little antsy. So the moment the foot started feeling better, I jumped into my cycling shoes and went back onto the yoga mat. Within a few days, my foot flared up worse than before. I moved here to Denver and started physical therapy, only to find out that wasn’t helping. So a month after the initial injury, I see doctor #2 to find out I have a fracture, after all. Enter the AirCast. For one month I’m confined to this massive boot, except for driving, showering and sleeping.

It’s not all that bad, really. I can get around just fine, I can dance and spin to my heart’s content, and it makes for good conversation. But now, the back pain has returned. And to add fuel to the fire, the Accutane causes severe muscle and joint pain. Meloxicam helps, so does a nightly aromatherapy epsom salt bath.

Best. Ritual. Ever.

I’m not sure what this post is about. It’s not a rant – I am actually super thankful for each of these lessons. Being confined to the house most of the day has been pretty nice, actually. Here’s a little gratitude list:

• I’ve been able to spend the time fixing up and decorating my new apartment, which I love
• I have tons of time to read, study, write, and work on some projects I’ve been meaning to do
• I have a wonderful chair to sit in for morning and evening meditations (since sitting on the floor is pretty difficult right now)
• My spiritual practice has grown more powerful than ever
• The aches and pains are bringing me even more in touch with my body and every single sensation that arises
• The coolest thing is that this gives me the time to work on my next steps. I’m launching a new website within the month, a super-exciting Lifestyle Coaching program, and planning two awesome workshops for January/February.

If I was running around Denver, going to yoga classes daily, hiking in the mountains, learning to ski, and socializing every night, would I really have time to dedicate to these things? I’d like to think that I would budget my time wisely, but I know how I tend to get distracted by being active.

You know the cliché ”everything happens for a reason”? Well, that’s exactly how I choose to look at what’s going on. While I’m patching myself back together physically, I am learning so much about healing and that will ultimately translate to helping others. And based on what I’m going through now, it can only get better from here.

So this is my personal take on Tip #25 – it is ok to fall apart, it’s even better to admit it to others. My hope is that by reading this, someone else will find hope in their own situation.

“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” – Randy Pausch

PS. As “broken” as I feel right now, I NEVER forget how lucky I am to have my health. I express my gratitude for this daily, as we all should.