Near the top of my bucket list for this trip was attending – and completing – a ten day silent meditation retreat. You might have heard the term Vipassana, a Pali word that means to see things as they really are, and is one of the world’s most ancient meditation techniques. In English this is sometimes just called “insight meditation”. Vipassana retreats provide an opportunity for you to take a break, look over things and take a serious review on what has been happening in your life. A lot of people use this time as a chance to reflect, modify, adjust and/or make changes. After some thorough research I found a link to Suan Mokkh International Dharma Hermitage, a Buddhist monastery located in south Thailand that holds monthly vipassana retreats for foreigners.

Wat Suan Mokkh was created in 1932 by the late Buddhadasa Bhikku, a Thai monk who is widely respected and honored across Thailand and beyond for his large contribution to Buddhism and unique interpretation of the Buddha’s teachings.

He established a monastery in the forest outside a town called Chaiya. This monastery was created to be one with nature, as Buddhadasa believed humans can learn more from contemplating and living in nature than bowing to statues or relics. Wat Suan Mokkh became a popular place for people from all over the world to seek solitude and solace, and not just Buddhists.

To further his mission of teaching meditation and Buddhist principles, in 1989 Buddhadasa established a separate monastery about 1km away from Wat Suan Mokkh called the International Dharma Hermitage, where foreigners can come for 10-day retreats year-round. Each month, “Dhamma friends” from all over the world come to participate in these retreats. You cannot register online or on the phone in advance. Instead, you have to basically show up to the monastery the day before and register in person. So that’s what I did…

To get down there I took a night bus from Bangkok, my first bus experience in Thailand. The Thais have a great bus system with tons of options to choose from. The most expensive is a “VIP” bus that looks like a traveling disco bus with individual monitors in each seat.

As tempting as that looked, I opted for something a little simpler, but still quite nice. The final destination was Surat Thani, scheduled to arrive there at 5am. But according to the directions from the monastery’s website, I was to inform the bus driver to drop me off at Wat Suan Mokkh, which all bus drivers apparently know the location of. And just in case, I knew it was located at the 135km marker on the highway. Unfortunately, I quickly found out that my bus driver didn’t speak English and didn’t know where Wat Suan Mokkh was, so I spent the first 15 minutes trying to find someone to translate to him where I needed to be dropped off. He finally understood to let me off at the 135km marker after the town of Chaiya, which he said we’d be passing around 3am. Great, I thought, I am arriving in the middle of the night, exactly when the website said not to arrive. That was my first indication that this might be a little difficult.

Throughout the ride I stayed pretty much awake, fueled by paranoia that the driver would forget to drop me off or I’d fall asleep and wake up in Surat Thani instead. I kept looking out for the mile marker and as it got nearer, I got my things ready to go. As promised, at 3am the bus stopped and while everyone else slept peacefully in their fully reclined seats, I nervously stepped out of the bus onto the side of a dark Thailand highway….with no monastery in sight.

The driver understood I was looking for Wat Suan Mokkh and walked about 15 meters down the road to a little house/office thing with a dog outside. Like a good little guard dog, he started barking up a storm, woke up its owners and they came outside to speak with the bus driver. He explained I was looking for the monastery and basically handed me off to this Thai couple. This couple, bless their heart, spoke no English either, but managed to tell me that Wat Suan Mokkh was .5 km up and on the opposite side of the highway. As the driver boarded the bus and drove away, I stood there in a semi-shocked state, not quite sure what to do.

With tears and confusion in my eyes, I start walking up the highway with my luggage in the pitch black of night. I immediately knew this was a horrible idea and made it about 100 feet before I totally freaked out. There was a pedestrian overpass, so I climbed to the top and stood there looking at the traffic below weighing my options. With no clue where the monastery was and no desire to search for it at 3:30am, I decided to go back to the couple’s place. It seemed to be a campsite of some sort with an office and little huts behind. At first I just sat in front in the dark, desperately having to pee, really wanting to sleep, trying to calmly figure out my next move. I really didn’t want to wake the couple up again, but with no other option I just bit the bullet and did it. As expected, the little dog started yapping and the husband and wife walked outside again. My plan was to ask to sit in the safety of their front porch for three hours until the sun came up. In any other situation, it would have been really humorous watching me do this with sign language and a little paper drawing of the sun, but the fear in my eyes made the whole scene pretty somber. With understanding in her eyes, the wife offered me a bed and I graciously accepted. Within 5 minutes I was fast asleep.

At 6:45am I woke up, thanked the couple with my best ka pon kaaaa – said while bowing with my hands at my heart – and started walking back up the highway looking for the elusive Wat Suan Mokkh. I decided to walk up to a big fancy gate to ask where the monastery is. It ended up being a school, and a nice teacher offered to take me (and my huge bag) on his scooter.

Truth be told, the entrance to the monastery wasn’t far away, but finding it in the dark would have been no easy feat. My first stop was to register at the information desk. As I walked up to the monk in an orange robe, I suddenly became distinctly aware that I was wearing a very low-cut tank top. This is pretty much rule #1 of monasteries and temples: no tank tops or suggestive clothing. It is considered highly sexual even for a woman to show her knees. Oops. So I kept trying to pull up on my neckline as the monk checked me out in, obviously averting his eyes as much as possible. I was told that since I was a day early, I’d have to stay at Wat Suan Mokkh for one night, then transfer to the International Dharma Hermitage site the next morning to check into the retreat.

The monastery grounds were beautiful, completely engulfed by nature. I was led to the farang (foreign) women’s dorm and given a lock for my room. Each room was quite jail-like, with a hard wooden bed and thick concrete walls, but you could feel the love put into this place nonetheless. There were signs everywhere about doing loving kindness chores like sweeping sand, raking leaves, cleaning toilets, etc. There are no “cleaning staff” – the residents are responsible for keeping things tidy and clean. Which makes total sense to me, especially since you are not required to pay anything to stay there.

As much as I wanted to walk around and take in the beautiful, serene vibe there, I basically slept the day away, finally able to relax and recharge before the retreat started the following day. Before I went to sleep, I took a look at the pamphlet they handed me, explaining the basics of the retreat. Some excerpts:

What is the 10-day retreat?
It is a very special period of time in one’s life which one devotes just to oneself. The time to explore and learn the “inner side” of oneself. Thus getting to know oneself thoroughly, in all aspects, ex: who one is, what one really needs or wants in life, what is the real goal in one’s life, how one can accomplish it, etc.

How is it done?
In the retreat, all participants are required to observe rules:
*Keep complete silence
*Stay the whole 10 days
*Observe the strict daily schedule
*Refrain from
o Destroying all forms of life
o Any sexual activity, mentally, verbally or bodily
o Smoking or intoxicating oneself
o Having a meal in between afternoon and before dawn
o Beautifying or entertaining oneself
o Sitting or sleeping on luxurious seat or bed

I knew this would be one of the most challenging things I’d ever done. By being basically completely isolated for 10 days, being with myself and my mind, with no way to escape, no music to listen to, no journal to write in, nothing to read…I’d have to really look inside and contemplate my own mind. As I drifted off to sleep on my un-luxurious bed, I knew this would be a very rare and beautiful opportunity.

Continue on to Part 2